Pseudo-Sausages & Fake Bacon – What Have I Done…

2 minute read.

You may not know, but during the cold snap over Britain at the beginning of this new decade – Hell Froze Over. Yes, thats right Hell Froze Over completely. How do I know this? Well its quite simple, I decided to disregard 19 years of teaching and go VEGETARIAN. Any rational human being such as Gregory House MD, would immediately declare me insane, and probably have me certified if I was to add I would keep the game up for 3 whole months. So a New Years Resolution was made.

So far so good I am already at Day 4, of what is sure to be a flatulent, green eating, tree hugging, hippy portion of my life. Observations are coming thick and fast:

1) Vegetarians don’t have a stereotype do they?
This is something that made me laugh at the supermarket, practically every vegetarian product has a “Save the {Insert Animal Here}” or some high moral statement. Way to go and dispelling the stereotype to the novice vege.

2) Tesco Express is rubbish
Every little may help, but there is such a poor selection of vegetables and meat substitutes in even the biggest Central London Tesco’s its a joke. Also involved me going under nourished on Day 3, because I really wanted some courgettes.

3) “Captain, We appear to be detecting a gaseous anomaly on the starboard side”
Now we get to the toilet humor. I am guessing that everybody kind of guesses this one, but nobody really wants to talk about it. Well fear not jack is here, and let me tell you eating all that hey and lettuce makes you fart like you have never farted before, it also causes a small weather nexus of high pressure around you. I think this was the inspiration of the Travis Song – Why Does It Always Rain On Me.

Wait there is yet more to come.
In my next installment, I am going to cover Whole Foods, Dietary Balance, What on Earth to do with Tofu, and why does Linda McCartney make Vegetarian Pseudo-Sausages.

I am suffering so you don’t have to people.

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