In Search of Fake Bacon…

1 minute read.

As we all should now acknowledge vegetarian, vegan or otherwise love bacon. Whether they admit this is an entirely different matter, but usually you can have any vegetarian craving a bacon butty with a couple more drinks than he or she should really have had.

So has the vegetarian cult found its saviour in the most unlikely of places, Linda McCartney? Well not really, unlike the Cult of Qorn eaters who insist they are vegetarian but have to have meat substitutes that look and taste like meat. Linda McCartney’s range of Super Substitute foods, offers the meat eater something that tastes good and more importantly doesn’t pretend to be meat. Best of all they do taste rather good, even without a large dousing in HP sauce.

So ends Day 9, of my epic struggle with not eating meat till easter – so far so good, and don’t forget I am suffering so you don’t have to.

Pseudo-Sausages & Fake Bacon – What Have I Done…

2 minute read.

You may not know, but during the cold snap over Britain at the beginning of this new decade – Hell Froze Over. Yes, thats right Hell Froze Over completely. How do I know this? Well its quite simple, I decided to disregard 19 years of teaching and go VEGETARIAN. Any rational human being such as Gregory House MD, would immediately declare me insane, and probably have me certified if I was to add I would keep the game up for 3 whole months. So a New Years Resolution was made.

So far so good I am already at Day 4, of what is sure to be a flatulent, green eating, tree hugging, hippy portion of my life. Observations are coming thick and fast:

1) Vegetarians don’t have a stereotype do they?
This is something that made me laugh at the supermarket, practically every vegetarian product has a “Save the {Insert Animal Here}” or some high moral statement. Way to go and dispelling the stereotype to the novice vege.

2) Tesco Express is rubbish
Every little may help, but there is such a poor selection of vegetables and meat substitutes in even the biggest Central London Tesco’s its a joke. Also involved me going under nourished on Day 3, because I really wanted some courgettes.

3) “Captain, We appear to be detecting a gaseous anomaly on the starboard side”
Now we get to the toilet humor. I am guessing that everybody kind of guesses this one, but nobody really wants to talk about it. Well fear not jack is here, and let me tell you eating all that hey and lettuce makes you fart like you have never farted before, it also causes a small weather nexus of high pressure around you. I think this was the inspiration of the Travis Song – Why Does It Always Rain On Me.

Wait there is yet more to come.
In my next installment, I am going to cover Whole Foods, Dietary Balance, What on Earth to do with Tofu, and why does Linda McCartney make Vegetarian Pseudo-Sausages.

I am suffering so you don’t have to people.